Dating is fucking hard! So hard that I have to remind myself of 5 Quick Tips for Dating in your 30s. Especially when you feel like you’ve “fallen behind” from all of your friends or you’re the last single person in your family.
Suddenly, there’s all this pressure to find someone and you really start to freak out. What if there’s no one out there for me? It’s unfair to feel this way, but this pressure is more of a reality for women in our current society. Not to mention, as an Asian with a Chinese background.
In China, most single women above 27 years old are considered to be “Left Over Woman“, which very rude but that’s the reality in the Asian culture. Most Asian women got married between 20 to 25 years old and by the time they are 30, they have a bunch of children.
On a Personal Note:
My Mum even reminded me many times that she had 3 kids by the time she was 28 years old. But I cheekily told her, “But, you were divorced by 30”. Seriously though, why do we have to compare our own timetable?
I am 31 now and my last relationship was great but unfortunately, it wasn’t great enough for further commitment. So, here I am thinking. Dating was so easy in our early 20s and most of us aren’t as lucky enough to meet ‘the one’ so early in life. Not that I believe in ‘the one’ – we will cover this next time.
I usually decide pretty quickly if I see a future with the guys I date. The men I’ve dated feel the pressure too. It’s normal now for the guy to bring up if he wants a family or not by the second date. We don’t want to waste time or end up with the wrong person.
My Dad used to say “It’s better late than marry the wrong person because the person you marry would decide whether you living in hell or heaven on earth”. – I agree, but fuck this is hard!
Here are the 5 Quick Tips for Dating in Your 30s:
1. Get Comfortable with Being Alone
As I mentioned above, some of our friends might even start to have children, and we found ourselves to be the odd one out and has no plan for the weekend.
Being able to eat out, travel, or perhaps even live alone can be scary, but it’s an incredibly affirming experience. The great thing about being single in your 30s is that you have the luxury of flexibility and time.
You don’t have a partner to factor into your decision-making, so you can do whatever makes you happy — whether that’s booking a last-minute trip or taking up a job offer on the other side of the globe.
2. Knowing Who You Are and What You Want
Whatever your reasons for dating in your 30s, you might find that the stakes are higher, for you or for those that you are going on dates with. To avoid wasting your time or hurting someone else’s feelings, be clear about your intentions from the beginning.
Communicate with the potential man or woman about what you are looking for, and be firm about saying no if your intentions don’t match.
Now at 31, I feel solid in my personality — my quirks, my flaws, and my strengths. Knowing this has helped me navigate dating because I know what I’m looking for and what I want and need in a partner.
3. Don’t Compromise on The Things that are Important to You
There might be a myth that singletons in their 30s start to settle. In fact, it’s likely that you have enough experience of relationships and dating to have a much clearer idea about what you are looking for, what your deal breakers are, and what you are prepared to compromise on.
If you hate smokers, don’t swipe right to the smoker guys. Don’t try to convince or to change the guy to suit your liking. It’s not your job.
Another great thing about dating in your 30s is that you know your own worth. Sure, in your 20s you might have been happy to date with the guy who played online games all day long in his bedroom. (Yes, Steve. It was you.)
But by your 30s, you know what you will and won’t settle for, and you should feel confident enough to cut your losses if you find yourself dating the wrong person.
4. Don’t Get Disheartened by Bad Dates
If you are similar to me, you’ve been in the dating game for a while, then it can be easy to get a little down if a date doesn’t go to plan. Especially, when you really like the guy but he ended up being a jerk.
Accept that bad dates as part of the experience, we can learn from them and don’t repeat the same mistake again. You would be able to differentiate between an obvious fuck boy and a fuck boy disguised as a nerd. Trust me, I met all kinds of men.
5. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Feeling tired by dating apps? Shut Hinge off and try taking your dating life offline. Just like the era of the pre-dating app. Find yourself spending time with your friends in a new area. Change the scenery and make new friends.
Arrange a night out in the city. Shake up your routine by taking up a new hobby and saying yes to social events or opportunities that you would usually decline.
Just have fun and don’t be desperate on finding life partner, focus on yourself to be better!
The fact that I was engaged at 24, but then ended up single at 31 years old. I feel grateful I didn’t go through the wedding. Otherwise, I would be miserable – stuck in a marriage with the wrong person. Sure, sometimes I got the uneasy feeling of being alone. But it’s a process and we have to keep a positive mind that the person is worth it.
I had a lot to learn about myself and now I feel confident I will know if a man is an actual good fit for me, not just because we like the same food or hobby.
Lastly,
Don’t waste your time on men who just want to play games or who told you they don’t know what they want in life. Trust them when they said so.
Just because they too are in their 30s, doesn’t mean they’re in the same place as you are.
I’ve found it shocking how much this has happened to me. Don’t be afraid to trust your instinct when your gut tells you they’re probably looking for something different.
Oh, and if they ghost you, that’s their loss. Don’t dwell in it! If you need to move on from the guy you never been in a relationship with, click here
Image provided by Rawpixel
