I came across this mind-opener article by Brian Ball, “Your Love Language Is Likely Whatever You Didn’t Get as a Child.” which makes me think back to my childhood and what I didn’t receive as a child. I never realised that the impact we had in our childhood is also the things of how an individual expressing love to one another.
To those who are not familiar with 5 Love Languages by pastor and marriage counselor Gary Chapman. Here are the 5 languages of love:
- Gifts (thoughtful tokens, not just expensive diamonds but can be),
- Physical Touch (hugs, hand-holding, touches, caresses, sexual intimacy, etc.),
- Quality Time (having connected, active time together),
- Acts of Service (such as cooking a meal, cleaning the bathroom, filling up your car with gas), and
- Words of Affirmation (verbal praise such as compliments).
If your love language is Gifts:
You likely didn’t receive many gifts, or the ones you got weren’t what you wanted, or weren’t thoughtful or meaningful in some other way.
If your love language is Physical Touch:
Your parents or siblings didn’t often hug, cuddle, or otherwise be physically affectionate with you. You may have also received touch you didn’t like, if, for example, you and your siblings always wrestled with or hurt one another.
If your love language is Quality Time:
You may have spent a large part of your childhood alone, whether because you were an only child, had different interests than the rest of your family, or because you faded in the background due to having multiple siblings.
If your love language is Acts of Service:
You may have had to always do things for yourself or had to start doing things for yourself and others, common with latchkey kids, or older siblings when the parents work.
If your love language is Words of Affirmation:
You were often criticised or critiqued for your failings and/or didn’t often hear verbal praise for your accomplishments.
Without even taking the test, I know my love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. Just because, I love spending time with my family and friends. I also love doing random things such as cooking, serving, and making something from scratch as a gift to show my care to the person I care and love.
Then, I took the test when I was around 18 years old, and yes, it revealed exactly what I thought I would get. My dad was a big hugger and he loved to compliments me, so Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation are not something I desire from another person. My mum is definitely not a hugger, she is a big-time Acts of Service kind of woman and since I didn’t live with her during my childhood, I long for her to take care of me.
Growing up, all I want is for my parents to have Quality Time with me. Being a middle child in a broken home family clearly makes me longing for Quality Time. I predict my older brother to have Physical Touch and my younger sister to have Gifts as their love languages. I was right because my brother didn’t get a lot of hugs from our dad. Perhaps my dad didn’t want my brother to be spoiled? My sister, on the other hand, received second-hand clothes and toys from our cousins. So now, she loves to receive gifts especially if it’s branded.
If you would like to get the test, click here: Discover Your Love Language by Gary Chapman. I think it’s good to know, especially when you are about to enter a marriage. Knowing what your future partner’s love language will definitely help to express and make each other happy.
With this realisation I understand even more about myself and why I am the way I am. I hope that’s true for you as well!
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